A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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