We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
