walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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