Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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