I've blown a few things in my day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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