Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
