You smell like a Billy Joel song
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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