so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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