Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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