Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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