I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
