Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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