Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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