My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
