it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
