Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
