porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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