You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
