do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
