I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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