I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
