How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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