make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
