Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
