thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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