she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There r osticjed everywhere
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
