who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
