My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
