let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
