yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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