o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
birth control should be required to get into college
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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