I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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