I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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