i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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