Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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