3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
