Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
