I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
