"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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