I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do herpes really smell.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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