how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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