I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
