PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
