thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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