whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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