It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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