Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
