i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
