Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
