At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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