if i died would you start the facebook group?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
