bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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