Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
