if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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