Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The Olympian is in my bed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
