how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
