A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
