Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
