i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
