This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
