Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
