DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
