Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bring me that man meat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
