Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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