I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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