You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
