I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
