I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize