Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
