at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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