just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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