i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
