Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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