So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How does one acquire holy water?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
