I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
