things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
