I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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