A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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