you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
