The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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