just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
