The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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