So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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