Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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