We named our party play list daddy issues
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
