I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
