i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
