I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
