did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize