i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Screwed.edu
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
