Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
