I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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